Last night I wanted to quit. I wanted to be far, far away from this place. This morning I couldn’t get my head around letting people do something where they could die. I am not, was not, afraid for myself. I wasn’t worried about that. I was terrified for these other people. That someone would be hurt. That I would hear those noises again, that mean something really awful.
There was one ride where one of the girls had been bucked off a horse before, and she was scared. I didn’t want to take her. Didn’t want to lend to her fear, to make those fears come true. But I had to do the ride. It was my job. So I did, and I watched them, watched everything, very, very carefully.
I literally and proverbially got back up on the horse. I led two rides. They went fine. They went okay. So it’s better. And I feel better.
Tomorrow is the fourth of July. Imagine that.
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