Don’t Do Drugs

Poor Ben. Yesterday seemed like it went so well (except Turro made him do dishes because he messed up and tried to make us breakfast when it was Turro‘s plan to make us breakfast), and then today was just fine as well, except for these three little scenes:

A) Turro complaining again that Ben does to many drugs.

B) I walk into the kitchen to find Jush and Turro shaking their heads at Ben. I don’t know what he did, but they were frustrated. In low tones they muttered phrases like “spacey” and “too much marajuana” as I went to the sink and filled up a container of juice. As I was doing that, Josh looked over and said to me, “You know what? Come ‘ere!” And then he gave me a hug.

I said, “Oh. Uh. Okay. You’re not still horny, are you?” (all of yesterday Josh had, as he put it, “a chub on”).

“No,” said Josh happily. He turned to Turro. “Isn’t she good? You’re just a really good worker.”

Turro laughed. “Yeah,” he said, “You make these two look like id-”

“Give her a hug!” said Josh. Turro and I had that awkward moment of, okay, weird, but then he hugged me, which was, yep, weird.

“Yeah,” said Josh. “She needs it.” And then I think they left.

C) Josh and I are cooking up the steak fry (I am in charge of what will turn out to be Damn Good Potatoes), and Ben comes over. Apparently (I missed this scene, it’s the central scene all of the characters talk about but the audience never sees) Josh had just been talking to a park Ranger, about God Knows What.

“So.” Josh looks at Ben, a little sideways. Ben smiles his big white smile, the ones the girls fall for. (“I absolutely, positively, in no way whatsoever, under no condition, in any circumstance, want a relationship right now,” says Ben. “Why not?” says I. “Why would I?” says he. I consider this, and finally toss out the little bone: “Well. Sex.” “Go down to the local bar,” he says without hesitation. Then, later. “The consequences of a one-night stand,” says the country song. “Consequences!” snorts Ben. “I will believe no such thing.” “You don’t think there are consequences to that?” I am surprised. Ben laughs. “No way,” says he.)
 
Josh says, “So.” A pause. I cook. “So,” he says one more time, in his very Josh-like way. “Tomorrow there’s going to be some drug tests.”

“What?” I say, surprised. Because (apparently everyone on the ranch is somewhat hard of hearing: the number of “what?”s I cut out of these conversations takes feet off the length of the entry) I thought he said “job casting”. Because we do need more wranglers, and a fry cook. But Josh also said something about a park, so, conveniently forgetting that we’re in the middle of a National Park, I imagined three of us going down to the little playground by the theatre and just hanging out on the rail like cowboys. Looking for people to work for us. I didn’t imagine we’d actively pursue possible workers. Just hang out at the park and wait for them to come curiously closer to us, until we caught them, like horse. Maybe Josh would even bring his lasso.

But really what he said was “Drug tests,” and naturally this made Ben very worried. For a second, I couldn’t think of why Josh would so blithely tell Ben this, when Josh and Turro had talked so much about how much Ben DID do drugs. Come to think of it, it really sounded like both Josh and Turro did drugs too, but I am coming to believe that Josh is a big lying liar face. I’ll come back to that. Meanwhile, in the course of thinking those two little thoughts, Ben had thrown off his cooking supplies and taken off at a run for the store. I don’t even think he gave Josh a good reason to just leave.

I learned later he bought a LOT of cranberry juice. Right now he’s probably on a little 10 mile run, stopping only to drink and piss on the way.

The thing is, after he left, Josh smiled at me.

I realized what the hell was going on.

He was lying.

There was no drug test. But he was sick of the problems Ben’s problem was creating. So he was putting the fear of God– or the National Park Service–, and a lot of cranberry juice, into him. Hopefully the fear thing wouldn’t run through as quickly as the cranberry juice. Josh told me he wasn’t planning on doing a drug test, but after seeing how Ben (and Arturro) reacted, he thought he might. At the dinner table, Ben said adamantly that he had stopped three weeks ago when Josh told them a drug test might be coming up. When Josh left Ben looked at Andy and I and tried to figure out what to do.

Later he told me how much water he would drink. I asked him if he’d had to do this before. Ben said, “I can’t tell you how many times.” I asked him if he passed the drug tests, and he said yes, and left for his run.

But later still, I saw him with his full cowboy regalia and running shoes. He looked ridiculous and really high. I don’t know what his deal was. Did he just decide to go up in smoke? I don’t know. And I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. Arturro will be in trouble, because I think he spent a lot of today (his day off) smoking. He and Josh talked quietly for a long time after we were all through for the day. Maybe they will work something out. Ben is okay, I don’t want him to get fired… But maybe that’s just me being nice. We need hard workers. The thing is, we need Turro. He’s really good. He’s really hard, but really good. It was nice not really having him around today–  I felt a lot less anxious– but he’s the glue holding this particular operation together.

Anyway, I do know that I’m clean, and thank god. It just reinforces my belief that as long as I don’t know what I’m missing, I can’t miss it. I don’t want it or need it, so I’m not going to do it. Good enough for me.

The really stupid part is, I almost told them I used to smoke. Why? Because I’m dumb. Because I wanted to seem cool, to fit in. I wouldn’t actually ever smoke, or do whatever, — I decided to stop, would be my line– but I wouldn’t seem like such a naive pansy. Well, how dumb is that. This all came about when Josh asked me if I drank or smoked or did cocaine or heroine. Fortunately, I decided to say no, even though I felt dumb. I thought he was purporting those things, saying they were good. I think he was testing to see where I stood. So even if I felt naive, good thing I told the truth. Lesson to Will: Don’t pretend to be cool if it involves breaking (or pretending to have once broken) major workplace guidelines. DUMB.

Well, it’s another lesson come back. And I think Josh is a pretty good guy. He just lies, or… Jokes, or talks big, or flashy, sometimes. Weird. A way to test the water, see where other people stand morally.

Hmm.

In other news, I did two rides today, both back on Champ, and I got really, really tired in the afternoon.

Hope all is well whereever you are. Have a good night. And don’t do drugs. Or, I guess, if you do, keep a good supply of Cranberry Juice on hand.

-Will